Christmas

This Christmas was obviously bittersweet. Many people call this "the most wonderful time of the year." Those people must not be missing someone that they have lost recently. It's funny how it hurts to even look at people that are so happy. I guess I have to think that we'll get there one day, but it still feels so far off. When people look at me/us, I can still feel that the main thing that they think of is that Timmy is gone. It's like being watched all of the time...for your reactions to things, how you respond to certain situations, how sad you are, people wondering if you're doing "okay"? Heck, I look at myself in the mirror like that. He's usually the last thing I think about at night while going to sleep and the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning. I wonder if that will ever change? I found that the break from school provided too much time for me to sit and think. I thought about all of the things that Timmy should be doing with us, like having his first Christmas, wearing silly Christmas hats, getting his picture taken with Madelyn in front of the tree for the first time, getting dressed up for Christmas Eve, etc. I know on some level that Adam and I were really looking forward to it being 2012. That it would signify a new year and a new start, etc. Ha. He looked at me last night while we were getting ready for bed and asked if 2012 felt any different. We both sadly agreed that no it didn't. It was a nice thought, but in his words, just same stuff, different day. Or in this case, a different year. I'm looking forward to going back to school tomorrow if for no other reason than to just get back to a routine. Putting some energy back into work and the kids there will at least give my brain a break.

This is not all to say that we didn't have a good Christmas with Madelyn. We did. Again, thank goodness for her. It was nice to live vicariously through her. We had a great time opeing up presents with her and playing with all of her toys. She was such a good girl on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Below are some of those pictures!













Madelyn then was awarded with her worst Christmas gift. On Christmas Day was when she really started to feel pretty bad. She had one heck of a cold and cough. We are finally just finishing up some steroid medication that has made her C-R-A-Z-Y to say the least. :( She has just NOT been herself the past few days. Here's hoping that she is over it all soon!