Results

Well the doctor just called and said that all of my blood work results came back as normal. So that's good. It's good that there is nothing "wrong" with me and that I don't have any blood clotting disorders. I have mixed feelings about all of it though. It's not like I want there to be something wrong with my blood. However, I did feel like if the tests would have come back positive then it would at least finally have given me a REASON as to why all of this happened and why Timmy died. Now I just feel like it was all bad luck and just unfair. Additionally, I wanted there to be something PROACTIVE to do for our next pregnancy. Whatever it meant, shots, pills, etc. I guess a small part of me wanted to feel like I was doing something more to stop it from happening again. Now I feel like we're just chancing it all to happen again to another baby. This all may sound a little crazy. I think it's probably because I am used to being in control of things and at least being able to work towards something working out. Having everything up in the air just makes me feel out of control. :(